Welcome to this week’s Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
THE CHALLENGE:
Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.)
THE KEY:
Make every word count.
Copyright –Randy Mazie
The Intruders (100 words)
As Randy approached the house a whisper of thin smoke snaked from the chimney. He cursed the crunch of the gravel underfoot betraying his arrival, and eased the safety off the rifle.
The door flapping gently in the breeze against the splintered frame told the story of their entry. Inside, the stench of urine, faeces and putrefaction made him gag as he searched the gloom for intruders.
On the bare, dusty floorboards of the lounge he found a naked young woman before a crackling fire, surrounded by strange, chalky symbols.
Transfixed by her loveliness, he was oblivious to death’s approach.
jwdwrites 
Creepy. Nice tight prose, and you didn’t waste a word — you described the scene wonderfully.
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Thank you Helena. 🙂
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How terrifying-that ending!Loved the rich imagery-you painted the picture of an abandoned building which has been broken into,perfectly!:-)
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Thank you. 🙂
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🙂
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i like how well you described the scene… and the mysterious frightening ending.
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Thanks KZ
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Great scene setting here. Enjoyed this.
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Thankyou Sandra. 🙂
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Sex kills. 🙂 Ha! You used every word to good effect. jwd. Well done.
janet
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Well built and POW! ending.
Nicely done.
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Nice – he seemed such a professional as he “eased” the safety of the rifle, only to become undone by the sight inside.
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Dear JWD,
Your descriptions are effective; sight, sound and smell. Good job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yep, he’s a goner. The second para is a stunner.
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Thanks for stopping by Patrick, sorry I thought I had replied to everyone!
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That’s the trouble with naked young women – they can be the death of you.
A great story.
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Great juxtaposition of death and beauty…like in the picture.
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What a write.. really very effective .. very thrillerlike.. must be part of a bigger tale.
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Feel that nervous tension! He’s fallen right into the trap…
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