Copyright –Douglas M. MacIlroy
Nightmare (100 words)
“Let’s move to the country,” she’d said. They’d bought a colt and a dappled filly – hard to break. “I’m calling her Nightmare,” she’d smiled.
Then a pair of silver Purdeys, and they’d learned to shoot. Hours spent picking shot from their game.
They’d rode hard, she fearless, streaking through the woods, him trailing behind.
Not any more.
He’d buried her broken body with her Purdey.
He watched Nightmare trot towards the car.
They’d shared a spirit those two he thought, getting out and loading a shell.
Nightmare whinnied.
He raised his gun.
jwdwrites 
NOOOOOO, don’t shoot!
Love the scene and the tension you built with it.
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Wow, that was so quick! Thank you!
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Shivering here. Superb writing!
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Thank you Penny, I am glad you liked it. 🙂
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Outstanding, in my humble opinion! 🙂
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Thanks Penny! You made my day. 🙂
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Most welcome! 🙂
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Oh, you are a fast learner!! This was excellent. Only one suggestion–colt and filly shouldn’t be capitalized as they’re not names, just sexes. Nightmare was an apt name, both because of what happened and because she was a mare (although she wasn’t black.) Love the Purdeys!
janet
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Hi and thank you. You know I was thinking something wasn’t right about those pesky capitals! I shall amend it. Many thanks for your input. 🙂
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beautiful story, filled with emotion. “He’d buried her broken body with her Purdey.” –powerful line.
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Thank you Train-whistle. 🙂
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Not sure i know exactly what’s going on here, jwd, but it’s late and I’m tired so maybe i need to read it again in the morning. In the meantime, I have a feeling “They shared a spirit” would read better – as it’s a quoted thought you shoudl use the tense he would use in his head, not the tense of the narration
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grr.. hit “post” too early.
I love the feel of the piece, the rising tension and the scene setting in the first few lines
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Hi Elmo, sadly she had an accident riding the horse and broke her neck and died. He has made up his mind that he cannot live with this horse and blames Nightmare for her death. The use of ‘they’d shared’ was because she was of course dead and that was how he thought it. I felt that ‘they shared a spirit’ seemed current and rightly or wrongly opted for ‘they’d’ on the basis that it was recollection of something that had been, and was no more. The tense by this point had already changed as we joined him in the car, so it was not a continuation of that tense. I hope that clears up my thinking and sheds a little light on the story. Thanks for stopping by and taking the trouble comment, it is appreciated. 🙂
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Thanks for taking the trouble to explain, jwd! My confusion stemmed from the fact that she was buried with her Purdey – which then led me to wonder whether the Purdey had been involved in the accident, and even whether “those two” refered to the Purdey or to Nightmare as it seems odd for him to want to shoot the horse if he thinks of it as carrying his lover’s spirit.
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omg my throat went dry.. a lot of tension here, very well done!
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Thank you kz. 🙂
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My jaw dropped!
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Very upsetting. Well crafted.
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poor Nightmare! feel sorry for both the rider and the horse..
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wow ! shocked reading his.. in a amazing way i mean.. great story.. 🙂
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You convey a lot of action and emotion in a just a few words. Great story. I love the conflict of emotions at the end: admiring the horse, but still wanting to kill it.
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I wondered if Nightmare killed her, right up until she whinnied, then I knew it was him. Her body was broken, he must’ve been brutal.
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Interesting take Michael and entirely plausible. I must admit I hadn’t thought of that possibility. Have you ever thought of volunteering for jury service? 🙂
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Whut, y’mean that she died by accident? Nuh, I don’t believe that furra secund. Nahp, I reckun he dunnit. Durned varmint; wah, ah noo he dunnit as soon as he walked up to the bar an’ ordered that large whiskey with that sly grin on his face…
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That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. You got nothing on me!
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S’what you say. I heard tell that you wus up t’a no good. I heard tell as you done fur Wilbur’s daughter up north, an you buried her out in the woods so’s none would find out whut you done to her pretty self…
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Nice to have an explanation. But there is only so much you can post with 100 words. I kinda guessed something like that. But she could have died for any reason and he still might have shot the horse not to be reminded of her. Just the fact that the horse did throw her…that just added to tension.
Thanks for your visit.
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You are absolutely right Jules, I read somewhere that in this very short form of flash fiction it is important to leave the blanks for the reader to fill in with their imaginations, and of course it gives us all something to talk about!
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A heartbreaking story. Well written.
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Thank you silently, you always take the trouble to read and comment. 🙂
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I guess the horse was appropriately named, and riding horses is dangerous. I can attest to that having fallen to the ground and been knocked off by tree branches. Good story. Ron
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Thanks Ron.
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The anger and resentment of grief come through very well in your story.
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Thank you. 🙂
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Why isn’t there a “don’t like” button when you need one 😦
LOL no, I’m not saying I don’t like your story, just don’t like where you w-w-w-went with it ~sniff – snuffle- reaches for Kleenex~
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Hi Lyn, thanks for popping round. You know how it is, I just report things as they come to me. It was him, he did it!
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Very poignant.
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Thanks for stopping by Tony. 🙂
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Dear JWD,
I had to Google Purdey. This is a good thing. I read your story twice. Without giving adjectives or assigning emotional descriptions you made me feel his anger and grief. Well done. Well done, indeed.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. 🙂
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Ugh. Sad, Let the Nightmare go….
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A nightmare in both senses. Anything that ends your loved one’s life is certainly a nightmare and sure to engender continuing ones.
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Despair (and maybe a touch of jealousy?) can be the cause of drastic reactions. I thought this was a great story.
Denmother
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Thanks Denmother, I am very happy you liked it. 🙂
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I suspect shooting Nightmare will do little to ease the pain–good story.
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I suspect that you are right. Thanks for stopping by I am glad you liked it.
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Neat tale, well developed, loved it.
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Thanks Brian. 🙂
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HI jwd – a fabulous story this week, full of tension and ending with a truly heartbreaking scene. Great stuff.
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Thank you El, I am delighted with the response,everyone has been very kind. 🙂
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Very well put together, as you said letting the reader fill in the gaps. I did think he was blaming the horse for her death. Well done.
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🙂
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I love this one, JWD. Nightmare was a great name selection. Reminds me of a milk cow we had named Cyclone.
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Thanks Russell, good to hear from you. 🙂
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I loved how you crafted this, and how I didn’t know what to expect until right at the end. I suspected he’d killed her himself, but I’ve read the comments and your explanation, much better that it was an accident (though a little hard on the poor horse).
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Thanks Trudy, you weren’t the only one who thought it might be him. I think FF brings out the detective in all of us. Thanks for visiting and your kind comments. 🙂
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What a scary tale… and what tension in 100 words… excellent
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fabulous take on this one…an unfortunate accident and why take it out on a horse? my sad heart crying…
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Awww…don’t shoot the horse! Loved the story–tension was great. I kind of knew it wouldn’t end well.
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FF doesn’t usually does it? Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
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I like the cliffhanger. I hope the man repents. I will never like a character who blames a crittur for his own bungling ignorance, or in this case, his wife’s. Maybe, being a rotten shot with a gun, he’ll shoot and miss, then see the error of his ways! 🙂
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Here’s to hoping! Thanks for dropping by Annisik51 and for taking the trouble to comment. 🙂
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🙂 Welcome.
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