Friday Fictioneers – 16th August 2013

Hi everyone, hope you enjoy this little piece, feel free to comment and I will do my best to reply promptly! Not been around much lately so I am feeling my way back in. To anyone who posted a comment that I didn’t acknowledge last time please accept my apologies. ๐Ÿ™‚

Friday Fictioneers 16th August 2013 hosted by Rochelle Wisoff Fields

THE CHALLENGE:

Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end.

THE KEY:

Make every word count.

Copyright - Roger Bultot

Copyright โ€“ Roger Bultot

Fall ย ย (100 Words)

“I will never leaf you,” he’d joked in better days. But one autumn, he gazed up through the thinning canopy and shook his weary head.

“Nothing lasts forever,” he muttered dragging his battered suitcase to the trunk of the waiting car. She was distraught. Howling, limbs gesticulating wildly, she’d sought to dissuade him.

He watched her warily, resolved, put the car into gear and pulled away.ย Sheย was the one with roots here, not him.

A desperate lunge –ย and they were one.

Flesh. Metal. Wood.

Man and Dryad, twisted in a macabre final embrace as the last leaf fell.

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27 comments

  1. I like the double meanings you’ve woven into this one, jwd. In light of your comment on my recent post, I’d better come up with some concrit… How about this: “I will never leaf you, [ comma, not full stop]” he joked

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  2. This is so clever – I love the weaving descriptions which cross between the plot and the object … trunk, roots etc.

    She was distraught. Howling, limbs gesticulating wildly, sheโ€™d sought to dissuade him.

    This description is exactly how it is when a woman does not want her man to leave. Described perfectly. Very visual.

    Flesh. Metal. Wood.

    Power staccato lines.
    Solid end line.

    A great flash.

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    • Wow! Thank you very much, that looked like a professional review the way you looked at all the different aspects of the story. For a minute there I was back in school after getting a good mark from my teacher (a rare occurrence) and feeling absurdly pleased with myself. Thank you for taking the trouble. ๐Ÿ™‚

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      • I edited it – originally it was even longer – ๐Ÿ˜‰
        I hope you didn’t mind me dissecting all the parts that worked so well.
        *Hands you a gold star*

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      • Not at all, I am grateful for your feedback, I must learn to do just that, to dissect my writing to see what works and what doesn’t. I am happy to take the good with the bad when it comes to criticism so please don’t feel the need to leave out what you found to be weaker. ๐Ÿ™‚

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      • You should check out the message and links at the bottom of my FF post this week.
        Last week Doug posted about the benefit of criticism and I posted that we could use an icon – to identify people who are happy to have their work critiqued. I mentioned a knife as a joke *(slashing through our work :() and Jen found a scalpel – I think Rochelle has it on her site with the prompt now too.
        People who frequent this challenge will recognise it as serious/helpful constructive criticism welcome!
        I have added it to my flash post this week.

        Look forward to reading more.

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  3. i read it as a metaphor. wonderfully executed. i like very much the descriptions that you used in telling us how she ran after him.. ๐Ÿ™‚

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